yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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