please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
