Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
