how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Floor bacon is actually really good
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