Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
