You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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