you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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