She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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