I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
