I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
