I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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