This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize