I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
