Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize