24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
