His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack