how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She made me pour olive oil on her.