goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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