I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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