May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
