My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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