i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
