Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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