and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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