Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
My pussy is not your playground.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
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I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
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This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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