is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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