PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
