Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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