Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
