there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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