Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
