You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
