you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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