he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
