I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
