WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
