would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
