I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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