this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
