You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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