Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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