she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
