the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
