Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
