I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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