he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
