I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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