i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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