last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
