If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
