she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
