I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
