you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
