I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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