Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Is it penis luge time yet?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
So apparently I’m into choking now
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
