how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
