I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
