So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I am one with the molecules
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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