I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
