marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
