Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
