she sounds like chewbacca in bed
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
