I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
