somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
