I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just want nice things and good sex
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
