Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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