Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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