my mouth tastes like poor choices
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
