people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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