I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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