Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
