Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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