she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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