and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
