You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
