So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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