if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
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Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
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I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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