Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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