My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
